What's normal anyway

To quote Drake,
"I used to be teased for being black, and now I'm here and I'm not black enough..."

Being mixed is one race that I feel doesn't get enough credit. Being mixed is a tough race and I think everyone just brushes it off. Growing up, I did not see race. I know everyone says that, but I didn't. I grew up in central Florida where every race was present in my life. No one judged, or so I thought. My skin is darker and so everyone, including myself, saw me as black, which I am. However, I am also half Puerto Rican.

                     
Growing up was different in my house. My Abuela couldn't speak English so we would communicate with her in Spanish. With the Spanish, we could remember. When we were younger, we were fluent and of course that all goes away when you realize no one in your class (once you start school) speaks Spanish. We grew up learning and eating different things. My dad is black (African American) and my mom is Puerto Rican. We ate a lot of rice and beans and so much Spanish food. I loved it!!! That was normal for me. We did have a lot of soul food as well and I loved that too! I know some of the words we used were in Spanish because it didn't sound as rude or as bad in English. Some might think these next few words are weird but it's what I grew up with and I knew nothing else. Some examples of words we substituted were, instead of boogers, we said mocos and instead of fart, we said cochina. There are others, but you get the gist of it.
When I got older (middle school), it seemed like I needed to choose. I had to choose whether I was black or if I was Puerto Rican. What I realize now is that there isn’t a choice, I am both. At the time though I didn’t know. When people see me, I am black. So I “chose” what people thought I was. The problem with that is that I felt like I was denying the fact that I was Puerto Rican. I never wanted to deny it, so when people would ask the question I still get “what are you?”, I would tell them I’m half black and half Puerto Rican. For years I would say that same thing but still, feel like I wasn’t accepted. When I would tell my black friend that I am both, I wasn’t really black enough or they would think I am denying being black because I also said my other half. Then when I would tell my Spanish friends that I was both, they would say “girl, your Puerto Rican”! I just didn’t want to make anyone upset. This was truly a lonely time in my life. As a grown-up, I finally just let people think what they wanted. When someone would ask that question, I replied: "What do you think I am"? From there I just let them think whatever they wanted because that doesn't change who I am as a person, it just didn't matter anymore.

Being half black, I had responsibilities to know certain things about my history and to know who certain people are, know certain movies, know specific songs, and just to know everything black pretty much. That was not me. I’ve been told that my “black card” was taken from me. I remember I would bring this up to my parents and they told me the same thing “all you need to do is be black/Puerto Rican and die”. I would laugh every time but I get it now. Being half Puerto Rican, I got the same thing. “You’re Spanish and you don’t know how to speak Spanish” or “You’re Spanish and you don’t know this song/tradition/holiday/food/person”. 

All I wanted to be was me. The proud mixed girl. Or just be a proud girl in general but that was not the case. 

The comments/questions I got a lot were:

“What are you?”

“You have good hair!”

“How have you never heard this song, your black/Spanish?”

“You’re too light to be full black.”

“That’s not fake hair?”

“You’re too proper to be just black” 

Yes, a lot of these are offensive but it’s what I hear a lot of to this day. It’s something I hear from all races. We just grew up different. We watched shows that would give different ethnic backgrounds. One show that was my favorite was a show that was on HBO family. It was called Happily Ever After: A Fairytale for Kids. This show was amazing. It pretty much showed your typical fairytale but everyone was ethnic. Robin Hood was Robinita, a Puerto Rican hero! Rumpelstiltskin was a little Jamaican man. We just watched that and a lot of different educational shows. We couldn’t watch anything with cursing or nudity. So a lot of movies that people ask me about, I never saw it because it was appropriate for us to see at that age. As I grew up, I just didn’t really think to watch it. What was the point, I just didn’t have an interest in it anymore. 

Music is another one. I like different music. Everyone likes different music. However, in the black community, I like white people's music. Is there really such a thing. Everyone likes what they like. In the Spanish community, I like black people music or white people's music. I like what I like. I listen to EVERYTHING! I mean it. I listen to country, rock, hip hop, pop, Spanish, ska...everything! One of my top 5 bands would be 311. I love their music. I love music like that. I grew up with jazz and hip hop. I also grew up with salsa and merengue music. I listen to it all. I really don’t think music should define what your race is.

Overall, I love the way I was raised. I was raised to love everyone, no matter their race or gender or orientation. We loved everyone. That is the way I want to raise my son. We were never oblivious to what was going on but we were guarded against things to keep out innocence. It is good to know where your family comes from but it is also good to know that you can be who you want to be. 

I may not be black enough or Puerto Rican enough, but I am enough for me!

P.S.
If you watch the show Mixed-ish, it pretty much explains what most mixed kids go through. Also, just a really good show!