Dear body

Dear body,

This will not be a love letter, sorry. I don't like you. I would never go as harsh as saying hate because there are some good qualities that you have. However, I just really don't like you. It is not all your fault and I know this. I am to blame for so much. This will be a good news/bad news situation. So body, should I give the good news or the bad news first? Bad news? Great choice. Then at least we can end on a good note. 

Bad news

I already mentioned that I just don't like you but now I will explain why. I just do not like how you look and you make me uncomfortable. I know that I should feel comfortable in my own skin but my skin is not the problem. (Although my skin has turned on my face at the moment, that's a different conversation with a different person). You just have too much fat in you and I am not used to that at all. I know that this fat has been here for a while but I still have yet to get used to it. I don't like it. In this case, I can actually say I hate it. You make me feel uncomfortable to be naked and even just to be in clothes. You can not fit into anything and for some reason, you decided to put fat in the most unflattering places. I have the hardest time even looking at you whether you have clothes on or not. Sometimes you even make me cry. I judge you and I know others are judging you as well. I mean do you feel as uncomfortable around other people just like I do? Especially around the family! They all had babies just like I did and yet for some reason you have failed to realize, you were supposed to lose that baby pouch just like their bodies did for them. You for some reason just keep failing me. I take you out for runs, walks, and strength workout, yet you still do not want to give up that fat. I even started feeding you healthier food. What do you want or need me to do for you to part ways with that fat? I cover you up all the time so that no one can see you and hope that no one will notice what you look like. I do this so I can protect you and protect myself. You and I used to be best friends and I just don't understand what happened. You are the reason I just don't take you places. It is also because of you that some people seem to unwillingly force you and me to do things I am not comfortable with and that I know you can not handle. Like when they ask you to go on a run longer than what you can handle or plan workouts that are not in the plan I had set for you because I know what you can handle. It sucks that I know you can not handle those things and it just makes me not want to do any type of workout. So when I say no, they will judge you and think that is the reason why you have so much fat. So I just don't say no, I do it and then feel miserable about it. Then I start to dislike you even more. It is also very annoying when I have to hear the people who barely have fat tell me how fat they are. I know everyone sees flaws others do not but they honestly barely have fat and yet here you are. I just am tired of feeling like an elephant next to them. All I want is to feel comfortable with you, feel/look great in clothes, and for you to just part ways with the fat.

Good news

You can have babies!!!! I love that you can do this for me because not many bodies can do this. So thank you for that! Also, your muscle mass is amazing! The most important thing, you are alive!!!!!! You are alive and thriving (in certain aspects). I tried really hard to think of other good things but I just can't think of much more. 


I am just asking for something simple from you. I want to wear shorts, sleeveless shirts, short sleeve shirts, and even dresses (and I don’t even like dresses). I want to be able to wear clothes and feel good in them, feel like myself. Please just let me feel like myself again. 


Overall, I can not say I love you or like you. I don't like you and you need to do better. I am doing what I can but you need to meet me halfway because you really are bringing me to depression. I am putting on a smile with others and being my cheerful self but it really is starting to get hard to fake it and I am tired of faking it honestly. 

Sincerely, 

         Quierra (the one that is tired of being judged)


P.S.
I will win this battle!