I have a Black husband and son

I am not really sure how to start this. There are just so many things I am feeling at the moment. We all know what is going on in this society. At least I sure hope we all know what is going on.

Right now we are just living in a very sad world. Racism is not something new but it was something that wasn't seen as much as it is now. Let me correct that, it wasn't as publicized as it is now. Being black in this society is a very scary thing. It is something I did not want for my family. Why can't things just change?

I am half black, so I have family members that I worry about. My husband and son are black and I worry so much about them. I am so afraid that my son will leave the house one day and never coming back because he was killed for the color of his skin. This should not be a worry that a mother or anyone out there should have. I worry that my husband will get killed because someone thinks he looks suspicious. I never worried about him because he is someone you can not hate. He has a super kind face and is always happy and kind to others, even to people who do not deserve it. Now it just doesn't matter how kind you may look or might be.

People look at my son and think how cute he is. He is always happy and just such a good little boy. I hope to keep raising him that way. I just wonder if those same people will look at him when he is a teenager or older and think DANGER. Will they later be afraid of him because he is black? It's things like this that make me afraid to have more kids. I want so many more but if I have more black kids, that is just more worry that I will have that one day they will be killed because of something they can not control. I can't just keep them locked up. I have even thought about moving to another country but I would be stupid to think these things aren't happening anywhere else. I just keep thinking about the moment I will have to sit down with my son and explain what to do when getting pulled over or encountering some type of racism. Parents of black children are the only ones that will have to go through something like this and this is something a parent should have to go through. Although this is the reality of things.

Yes, I can say that I use to be one of the people who just did not want to pay attention to what was going on because I did not want to keep seeing the bad. I wanted to believe that there was good out there and not everyone is bad. Not everyone is bad and not every cop is bad. You can not judge the entirety off of one person/s actions.

Since having my son, I feel like even more worry has come to mind. Things I never thought about. I grew up without having to personally experience racism. Now I might've experienced it when I was younger but didn't realize what was going on. I am glad for that. I know my dad faced it because my older sister looks white and they did not believe she was his daughter. I know he got looks and doctors spoke around him. That has not happened to me or my husband.

People that are not of color really need to step up. I am coming to realize that a lot of my "friends/family" that are not of color, have yet to stand up or say anything about what is going on. I am not saying to consume yourself with it but we count on you. Your friends and family count on your support to keep them alive! I think my family is the one I am a little surprised about. And only a little, which is sad. I know there is a saying out there that you can only count on you. However, that should not be the case. Everyone should always have the backing of their family. I now know I do not have the backing of half of my family. You all have to realize that white privilege is a real thing. You may not think so but let's bring up a scenario:

White person: 

You get in your car and drive wherever it is that you are going. You get pulled over for whatever reason. The cop asks you for your license and registration. You then proceed to reach in your glove compartment for what they asked for. Everything gets settled and you go about your day. 

POC:

You get in your car, pull out your registration and wallet to an open visible place in your car. Drive wherever it is that you are going. You get pulled over for whatever reason. The cop asks you for your license and registration. You can now reach for it in a place they can clearly see.....

Let's talk about this. White privilege is being able to reach in your glove compartment with no problem or threat. A POC has to prepare ahead of time because if we reached in our glove compartment, it might be seen as a threat. We might be reaching for a gun, to them. 

Again this is not every cop but we don't know if we are getting the good cop or the bad cop. 

That is just one scenario.  There are so many more out there and this is something you do not think about because of your white privilege. Just get out there and educate yourself, please.

Change starts when we start talking about and finally doing something about it. Don't teach to not see color. You need to not be colorblind. If you teach about the different races it will help to learn what the different races have been through. It will help to because of a better person. Being colorblind is only teaching the fact that each person has been through the same thing no matter what their race is. If you need help on where to start, just ask! Ask questions, we do not mind. Also, you could start with this book:

I cry every day and every night because all I keep thinking is what will happen to my son when he gets older. Will my husband get pulled over and never come back home. Will my husband go for a run and never come back. Will my family be judged all the time for the color of their skin. 

We need to do something!!! All of us!!! Change doesn't happen with just one person or a small group of people. Change happens when everyone gets involved. 

"Were petrified of saying too much or saying it wrong when the truth is the only wrong thing you can say is nothing at all" 

"While we may come from different places, speak different tongues, our hearts beat as one"